I needed to get this out…

I’ve been struggling with sitting down and actually writing this out. There has been many times when it has been confirmed over and over again and every time it hits me like a ton of bricks. For the past 3 years A has had a continuous face rash around her mouth, nose, and eyes. Some days better and some days worse. As a test we took our 2 cats to a foster (friend) and did an extreme clean on the house. Well here and there she has been breaking out like she used to after having a very clear face. She breaks out when she goes into the garage (where the cats climbing houses and toys are), She broke out in the car when we took some old clothes to the goodwill. She broke out after playing hide and seek and hiding in the only closet I haven’t did a total overhaul on. And today…she broke out when we got out the halloween decorations & craft supplies from last year šŸ˜¦ Ā These are all things that have not been cleaned of cat hair…

Since before her birth I have always worried about the cats. We had her at home so I made sure the bedroom was spotless and tried not to let the cats rub up on her. I had this worry because DH is allergic to the cats. When she first began her rashes 14 days young the thoughts of the cats crossed my mind. Wasn’t going away after taking out all sorts of foods, the thoughts of the cats again crossed my mind. The rash went away after vacations in hotels where we had to contact with cats, the thoughts of the cats again crossed my mind.

I admit, I have some guilt about this and that I kept it going for all this time however I also feel happy that we tried everything that we could before deciding to re-home members of our family. Every day I miss ourĀ cats and hope that they will find a new loving forever home soon. A asks about them all the time and gets very excited when she sees pictures of any cats that are them or that look like them. She misses them very much as well. I hope one day we will be able to have cats again but for now her immune system needs to heal ā¤